Does this blog make my butt look big?

Strange things happen when English majors marry English majors. You end up with three paperback copies of Lysistrata, for example, as well as countless Norton Anthologies. You debate for days whether Wedding Crashers owes a debt to The Importance of Being Earnest. And sometimes, if you’re having trouble sleeping, you lie awake together thinking up alliterative synonyms for “big butt.”

The project began over a year ago. My husband and I had a running joke about the question, “Does this ____ make my butt look big?” We started putting inappropriate words in the blank: Does this hat make my butt look big? Does this novel? One day he said to me, “No, but it does make your @$$ look ample.”

A game was born. Could we get from A to Z with alliterative synonyms? A was taken care of. B was almost too easy, what with big butt, bountiful bottom, and boundless booty. We could get all the way to giant gluteus maximus. But what started with I?

The game languished for many months before I realized I should ask my Babycenter birth board. Surely some of those women with May 2004 babies would be able to help. I asked, and they answered. The one who calls herself Invisible Girl suggested immense impedimenta (a bit of a stretch, yes, but who cares), and we were back on track. We got to Z within a matter of hours. When I went to post the list, though, I realized to my horror that we had somehow skipped N. Synonym.com helpfully supplied the missing word. Dear Readers, I now present you with the list. I’m not 100% happy with all of them, so if you’d like to make suggestions in the guestbook, please feel free.

The Big-@$$ Alliterative List

ample @$$
bountiful bottom
capacious can
daunting derriere
enormous end
far-reaching fanny
giant gluteus maximus
hefty heiney
immense impedimenta
jumbo junk
king-size kiester
large load
massive moon
noticeable nates
obese orifice
panoramic posterior
quite-large quarters
rotund rump
swollen seat
tubby tushy
undulating underside
voluminous vat
wide wagon
Xtra XL
yesterday’s Yodels
zeppelin zone