What We Have To Give

A few days ago, a younger friend was asking for advice about a job search. I asked a few friends if she could contact them for informational interviews about their jobs and their fields, and both graciously said yes.

That got me thinking. Both of the women I got in touch with are full-time working mothers I know from a local mom's group. Some groups for mothers focus mostly on meeting the needs of stay-at-home moms, and I can certainly understand why they might choose that focus. I'm glad, though, that the one group I'm in welcomes women who work outside the home and women who don't.

I've written before about how I loathe the media-constructed idea of the "Mommy Wars." This week, though, it really struck me how much women from different backgrounds have to offer each other. The women who work full-time provide invaluable networking and a connection to the world of work. After all, most of the women who stay home full-time now will re-enter the work force at some point. I also appreciate how those women serve as role models, showing that women can indeed combine motherhood and challenging careers.

Stay-at-home moms have a lot to offer, too. When I taught high school, I saw how stay-at-home moms provided invaluable, hands-on support to schools. Moms who are home during the day can serve as emergency contacts and backup sitters. Often, they know the ins and outs of schools and other resources for children, and they have time to create social networks in their communities.

If we focus on communities instead of the factions within them, it becomes clear that both groups of women can help our society. When a stay-at-home mom assists in an elementary school classroom, all children benefit. When a working mom can offer her professional expertise, it helps her community.

Of course, some women strongly want their choices to be right for all women. After all, it would be easier if we as a society settled on a prescribed life choice for women. If all women were expected to return to work, issues such as maternity leave and child-friendly policies wouldn't be as thorny. If all women stayed home, it would be easier for schools and workplaces to assume that most children had a parent devoted to their full-time care.

But instead we find ourselves in a flexible time. That presents challenges; sometimes it can seem like every mom must negotiate combining careers and motherhood for herself. Today, though, I'm grateful that this multiplicity of possible roles serves as a source of strength and opportunity for both women and the communities in which they live.