Exasperating Toddler Behavior

Let me start with the usual motherly disclaimers: I love my son more than anything, I can't imagine my life without him, he is (in my unbiased opinion) the cutest baby in the world, etc. etc. That said, some of his recent quirks are driving me crazy.

1. When Ben gets frustrated, he hits himself on the head. Hard. With both hands. Either that, or he bangs his head against the floor, the wall, or any nearby hard surface. I think it may have started when my husband taught him to hit his head and say "Doh!", but Ben has taken it to new levels. I dread having to explain to Child Protection Services that no, I don't repeatedly punch my son in the middle of his forehead.

2. When Ben gets bored in the car, he looks at me in the rear-view mirror, smiles, and starts licking the sole of his shoe. Now I'm not one of those moms who always has antibacterial wipes handy to kill any trace of germs, but the sole of a shoe is clearly way across any hygiene line you might care to draw. I am, however, impressed at his flexibility.

3. He has perfected the art of flinging food. If he decides he doesn't like a particular item (for example, a lovingly-prepared dish of sweet potatoes with butter and parmesan cheese), he looks us in the eye and drops a piece over the edge of his tray. If we say "No" or "Stop," that's his cue to fling even more quickly, because he knows we're about to take the food away. We have tried explaining to him that he should hand food he doesn't want to us, but this works approximately 10% of the time. The wall by his chair is splattered with all kinds of food slime.




4. He has started sucking on my leg if I'm not paying enough attention to him. Maybe he's teething, but he just walks up to me, smiles, and opens his mouth wide. I haven't gotten used to the constant drool splotches on my pants.

5. He refuses to kiss his parents. Some items he will kiss: His toy fish. A plastic toucan. A jar of garlic powder. But if I say, "Benjamin, can I have a kiss?" he shakes his head firmly no.

Luckily, his hugs these days make up for a lot. And as exasperating as these quirks are, what really fills me with dread is wondering what will be on my list of crazy teenager behavior.