Annual Traditions

It's been a busy week here in St. Louis. First my brother Jay came to town, and the four of us went to the local chili cookoff held at the high school the night before Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving morning, Jay took Ben to the traditional Turkey Day football game (which, alas, we lost--although we're ahead over the 100 years the series has been in place).

It was my first time hosting Thanksgiving dinner, and I realized with a pang that means I must be fully grown up now. Jay and I made sure we had all the necessary elements from our childhood Thanksgivings: pies (pumpkin and apple), turkey, rolls, vegetables, mashed potatoes, After Eight mints. Tom added a few things of his own--most notably the Tofurkey.

On Friday, it was on to Christmas as Jay and I took Ben to a local dance school's performance of the Nutcracker. I can still remember my parents getting out the record (records--remember those?) of Tchaikovsky's music before Christmas, and I'm always disappointed if a performance I see doesn't measure up to the one I saw when I was 4, when the mouse king really had 8 heads. Ben was rapt for much of the dancing, especially the Chinese dancers and the Nutcracker himself.

This Sunday, we got out our tree and decorated it. I made the sugar cookie recipe from my childhood, though as a concession to convenience I made drop cookies instead of cutouts. Ben didn't seem to mind.

I see the ornaments reminders of our past and of the people who love us.... We have an ornament from each place we've lived during our marriage (North Carolina, Philadelphia, and St. Louis). We have my childhood ornaments, some made by my mother, and a whole set of ornaments cross-stitched by Tom's mom. It's hard to believe, but we have handmade ornaments from Ben from the three Christmases (although the one from '04 just has a handprint in smudged red paint). I have ornaments from exchanges among several groups of friends, and ones that came from former students. We even have bubble lights that Aunt Jean sent us several years ago because they reminded her of the ones my mom has. As we were decorating, Ben said firmly, "Ornaments stay on the tree!" Evidently we'd emphasized that so much last year that it had stayed in his memory for the past 11 months.

The week has made me reflect on the importance of family traditions. At their best, they anchor us throughout the year and balance excitement with predictability. At three, Ben loves ritual; knowing what to expect during a day or a season gives him a sense of power and control. Having him around deepens the importance of these rituals for me and gives me a chance to pass on the things I loved from my own childhood.

I also learn from Ben. He pointed to a picture of Indians in one of the Thanksgiving books we had and said they were "Wampanoah"; googling confirmed that the Wampanoag were, in fact, present at the Pilgrims' Thanksgiving. (I expected Ben to learn things in school that I didn't know, but I didn't think it would start happening at age 3.) He excitement in giving gifts fills me with joy; he has been thinking about what kind of present Santa would like, and he has made countless ornaments to give away.

I am also learning which traditions to hold onto, and which to let go. While part of me wishes I could be home with my whole family of origin on Thanksgiving and Christmas, I'm glad to be able to carry on their traditions.