Other People's Stuff

As a friend and I were leaving a Halloween party, I asked if she had the platter she'd brought with her. "Oh, no," she said. "But it's okay. I'll get it from Suzie when I see her on Sunday."

I had just been reading in Stephanie Coontz's book The Way We Never Were about how gifts are used in various societies to built community. This remark got me thinking--is there a way to quantify "borrowed stuff" and see whether having things that belong to other people is a sign of social connectedness?

In Hamlet, Polonius says, "Neither a borrower nor a lender be; / For loan oft loses both itself and friend, / And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry"--but that statement comes in a stream of platitudes I don't think Shakespeare necessarily endorses. While lending can cause problems, it is often the sign of an ongoing relationship; after all, if you never expect to see someone again, you're more likely to keep hold of your stuff. In a strong community, borrowing is not necessarily tit-for-tat; I could borrow a staple gun from someone, knowing that if a different person needs a book for book club I'd be happy to lend it. Tom noted a hierarchical component to lending in a professional context; in his lab, which he leads, he is much more likely to lend items to students than to borrow from them. In a social context, however, I think lending/borrowing relationships tend to be more equal.

What do my readers think? Is borrowing helpful or harmful in establishing social connections?