Those Militant Breastfeeders

Shortly after Ben was born, my midwife recommended going to La Leche League meetings as a way to meet other new mothers.

I was skeptical. "Aren't they a little militant?" I asked.

Later, thinking it over, I was thoroughly ashamed of myself. Where had the word "militant" come from? Where had I gotten that stereotype? Why had I accepted it without thinking?

Because of course the other word that "militant" is often joined with--especially by people on the far right--is "feminist."

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I went to a La Leche League meeting today. There was a guest speaker about natural family planning. A big table was set with healthy snacks: avocado bread, Mighty Bites cereal, oatmeal raisin cookies, apple slices, a pitcher of water. As the speaker covered her topic, babies nursed or sat on blankets, and toddlers squabbled over choice toys or tried to escape into the hallway. The room hummed with friendly activity.

Dictionary.com provides the following definitions for militant:

1. Fighting or warring.
2. Having a combative character; aggressive, especially in the service of a cause: a militant political activist.

It would be hard to imagine a less militant scene than the meeting I went to this morning. No one except the children so much as raised their voices. There was certainly no marching in formation or target practice. But still, I continue to hear the word "militant" applied to La Leche League. Why?

I'm sure there are a handful of LLL leaders who are overly aggressive about promoting breastfeeding. People have told me stories about them, and I don't doubt that they exist. From what I've seen, though, they aren't the norm.

I also think it's something more. I've noticed I have a tendency to project my own insecurities about mothering onto LLL. I was hesitant to describe night weaning Ben at 10 months because we let him cry. When I did, though, I found the leaders were supportive and other members of the group were interested. They didn't judge me; instead, I discovered I had been judging myself.

First time-mothers are vulnerable in the first several months of parenthood. I was sleep-deprived and recovering from abdominal surgery, and I was afraid of not making the absolute best choices for my son. It's a difficult time for outsiders to come in and offer advice. I can see how well-meaning breastfeeding advocates could upset some women who are deciding not to breastfeed. On the Babycenter Birth Board I frequented, breastfeeding versus formula-feeding was a topic that rapidly lead to heated exchanges throughout the first year. Nearly everyone was sensitive about it; what could be more personal that what you decide to feed your baby?

But personally, I find the tactics of the formula companies more insidious. They can afford to bide their time; they know that the majority of mothers will switch to formula before their babies are six months old. Throughout Ben's first year, formula companies plied me with gifts and free samples, and cheery little newsletters about how to supplement with formula. I found it scary that those companies had enough money that they found it in their best interest to give me so much free stuff when I had shown absolutely no interest in their products. Sometimes I wonder whether everyone would feel more warmly about LLL if the group could afford to give free diaper bags to every woman who has a baby.

My husband cynically suggested that "militant" is just a word people use any time a group of women has a strong opinion about something. There's probably some truth to that. But I have a hard time squaring the word with my local group, which once sat around discussing how we didn't want our kids playing with toy guns. LLL, an all-volunteer group of women dedicated to promoting and supporting breastfeeding, is probably one of the least militant groups I've been a part of.

And militant feminists? Well, that's a topic for another day.

Logo courtesy of the Militant Breastfeeding Cult.