Ups and Downs

Ben and I did not have a good morning. He was tired and cranky. I was trying to get a lot of things done. Not a good combination. Let's just say there was a lot of yelling involved.

Yesterday, though, Ben and I had a great time together. I picked him up early from day care and we played in the snow. He chased me. I showed him how to make snow angels, and how to catch snowflakes on his tongue. We lay on our backs and watched the snow fall and listened to the wind in the trees. When his cheeks were flushed with cold and my nose went numb, we went inside for hot chocolate and warm chocolate chip cookies. I thought that parenthood was the best thing ever, and I wondered if I would ever be this happy again.

And then, this morning.

The highs and lows of parenthood amaze me. One moment, Ben will hug me and say, "I wuv you." We'll play silly games together, and I'll marvel at the child I helped create. Sometimes, though, he hits, he sobs, he yells, and I wonder how such behavior could ever be adaptive in continuing the species. It's astounding that a little person can contain such a strong will, and that he can make me so furious--and, at other times, so happy.