Name: Tess
Home: St. Louis
Birth Conversations
Today I'm linking to my blogfriend Hannah's compilation of many things she's heard in her years of being a doula. I enjoy reading the posts on Hannah's blog about the women she has helped during labor, and this entry in particular shows what a range of responses women, doctors, and nurses have to the process of childbirth.
If we end up having a second baby, I wonder if Hannah would be willing to fly to St. Louis.....
If we end up having a second baby, I wonder if Hannah would be willing to fly to St. Louis.....
posted by Tess | 6:32 PM
9 Comments:
I flew to LA last June...so you never know! ;)
I was thinking today about the bloggers I'd like to meet and you are one of the folks at the top of my list!
Hh
P.S. Thanks for linking to me. :)
I think you said once that breastfeeding is the topic that most new mothers get the most vehement about, but I have to say that childbirth is right up there, too: the differing views about drugs and no drugs, c-sections vs non-c-sections, doulas and midwives vs not having a doula or midwife. I find myself extremely hesitant to talk about any of it with other mothers, because at least one of you is likely to end up offended or hurt. It's really rather a shame.
On another note, I must say I agree with Hannah's general take on doctors at a birth! I overheard a nurse saying that the doctor would be in soon to "catch the baby" and found out that that's pretty much what happens. Thank God for great nurses!
Well, Kaela and I were dying to hear all the gorey details of your birth story, but we didn't want to press you because we know you tend to be reserved about those things.
I know we have different approaches to childbirth, and you know me--I'll do my best to explain my point of view. I'm not offended by what other people do, but I did get annoyed when I was pregnant and people were dismissive of my desire for natural childbirth. (Not saying that you were one of those people--but a lot of people were quick to tell me I didn't know what I was talking about and that I'd end up asking for drugs. Not that any of it ended up applying anyway.)
I meant gory, not Gorey like the writer Edward Gorey. I wish I could spell better.
I'd be happy to share the gory details any time, just ask. But really, nobody can beat Kaela for a good story. :) (What, I'm in labor? Hey, there's the baby!) :)
(Warning: Rant ahead.)
I guess the part that I find problematic is when other mothers get competitive about it. If you say you were in labor for, say, 16 hours and gave birth to, say, a 9 lbs 11 oz baby, there is always somebody (I actually talked to someone like this) who is dying to tell you how THEY were in labor for 27 hours, and THEY gave birth to 11-pound quadruplets, all of them breech, with no drugs because OBVIOUSLY you aren't a real woman if you have any drugs at any point, AND they had to walk uphill in the snow barefoot just to get to the hospital. (Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating a tiny bit.) :) :) But hellooo? Sometimes I think people lose track of the fact that the point of all of this is to get a happy healthy baby into the world, and in the end, how it gets here is really not so important. Sure, share the story, tell your friends, tell your child someday. But I don't see why people get competitive about it, and make other people feel like their experience is less worthy or life-changing, just because it was different from their own. When all is said and done, you have a BABY, and what could be more life-changing than that?
Okay, I'm done ranting now. :) :)
Part of what I love about Kaela's birth story is that I was there when she went into labor. :) I still can't find the roll of film we took of her grimacing--that will be really funny when I get it developed someday.
And, for the record, I'm impressed that you gave birth to a 9 pound, 11 ounce baby. If we're competing (which we're not, of course), you win hands down.
I know we differ on whether the form of childbirth is important. The truth is, Ben's birth story still makes me sad, even though it was a necessary part of getting the todder who is dancing next to me now. I had been interested in natural childbirth since college, and I wanted to see what my body could do. When I was told I needed a scheduled c-section, I felt like I had been training for a marathon, only to be told at the last minute that instead of running, I'd have to take a taxi to the finish line. Same destination, yes, but not at all the way I wanted to go.
So now I try not to judge other people about the childbirth decisions they make, but I also try to make space to feel sad about what happened with me. I know some people don't understand why I still feel sad--after all, I have an adorable son who is nearly two--and I don't understand why someone would have an elective C-section with their first birth. I've come to accept that this is a subject that people see differently, and that's okay.
Having birthed at a birthing center with midwives, at home with midwives, and at a hospital with an o.b., I REALLY enjoyed reading that.
Tess, I hope some day you get to have the birth of your dreams.
One of my pet peeves (and I talk about it on my blog--and my "real" Web site) is that women's births are their OWN.
I agree with Karen that there is competition...and in both directions. I know clients (some of my most recent whom I wrote about) who have both said they are embarrassed to talk about their births because other women resent their "fast" or "easy" births. And then there are the women who think other women are complainers, or bragging, about their "super long" or "horrible" births.
Anyone who knows me (and those who don't quickly find out) understands that I get really, really feel (and teach in my classes, and tell my clients) that they should have ALL the information--and THEN make informed decisions that are right for them.
NO ONE knows what another person feels...if medications are needed that's between the woman and her medical provider--(and to me, the medical provider is only "involved" because they order the meds if the woman requests them.)
I also say on my "real" Web site that I don't like the term "natural" childbirth. Unmedicated sure...but if a woman must have a Cesarean because her baby is in distress...what is unnatural about her carrying and bearing a child, and triumphing in labor and birth?! :)
And for the record, just since I'm ranting, too: I've seen a woman give birth to a 5 and a half pound baby and she was a Lioness! It was HARD! I've seen women give birth to "big" babies, 9 or 10 pounds and make it look easy. I've seen all of women and babies...and it's ALWAYS special, amazing and courageous.
I'm just saying...
I can sympathize with your feelings, Tess, about C-sections. Before delivering my girls, I was convinced that having a C-section would be tantamount to failure, like I hadn't managed something that women have been doing successfully for years. Turns out I did not need an operation for either child and both births turned out as I had hoped: without complication, without meds, and with me making all of the decisions I felt were important to managing the process successfully. I delivered with the assistance of two very supportive, involved female OBs in a hospital where detailed, flexible birth plans were the norm, attended by a half a dozen excellent nurses, my mom and my husband - all there to help me through what I consider to be my finest hour(s!!!). I got to learn - from a very amazed OB - that I have remarkable uteran control!! How cool is that? Not something you can bring up in conversation every day, but I try to slip it in with sympathetic types who might be interested in drug-free childbirth stories - not many out there, but some. And even though, intellectually, I understand that the necessity of a C-section would have been for the safety of my girls and undertaken only in case of emergency, I still would have felt that I missed out on BIRTH. Healthy baby, yes. Birth? Not as I imagined. I would have felt cheated by my own body and then guilty for those feelings when so many women suffer horrible complications or lose their babies in childbirth. Anyway, all of this means that I understand your feelings of being "cheated" out of your marathon. The mental prep and excitment must have made the disppointment rather acute. But you have hypothetical second baby to look forward to, and she'll love coming out when you give her that one last big push in the world.
Post a Comment
<< Home