Name: Tess
Home: St. Louis
Stop Telling Me What To Do
This week's Newsweek contains a brief interview with Linda Hirshman, a retired philosophy professor who has been in the news lately arguing that women should not waste their education by staying home with children. If Hirshman had deliberately set out to insult me and nearly all of my friends, she couldn't have done a better job. She offers gems such as, "Don't study art--take your education seriously to prepare for a life of work." When the interviewer says, "You really think stay-at-home moms can't lead honorable, risk-taking intellectual lives?" she responds, "Right. And don't hit me with those fantastical volunteer jobs--they don't exist."
I felt a rant coming on as soon as I finished reading. Who is she to tell me what to do? Why must "a life of work" be paid employment? Why try to force women into the career-is-everthing straightjacket, instead of helping both women and men follow more flexible careers that allow them to combine work and family?
And why on earth does she think "Consider a reproductive strike" is good advice? Um, yeah, that's how I want to see my marriage--I'm labor and he's management. Somebody call in an arbitrator!
Two months ago, there was a speaker at a La Leche League enrichment meeting who was scheduled to talk about "The 7 Myths of Working Mothers." I was looking forward to hearing what she had to say--only to find she blamed feminism for many of society's problems and said that women who chose to work when their children were small were selfish and materialistic.
I'd like to lock both women in a room together and let them argue it out so the rest of us can move on with our lives. (Would that be an unfeminist thing to do?)
But seriously, I want to say to these women: Stop telling me what to do. I don't like prescriptive statements that come from the patriarchy, and I don't like them any more when they come from you.
Stop blaming women for the choices they make. Stop saying that a particular choice is right for all women. Stop trying to claim that one area of women's lives should take precedence over another.
If you honestly want to help women, then work for positive change. Meanwhile, stop telling me what to do.
I felt a rant coming on as soon as I finished reading. Who is she to tell me what to do? Why must "a life of work" be paid employment? Why try to force women into the career-is-everthing straightjacket, instead of helping both women and men follow more flexible careers that allow them to combine work and family?
And why on earth does she think "Consider a reproductive strike" is good advice? Um, yeah, that's how I want to see my marriage--I'm labor and he's management. Somebody call in an arbitrator!
Two months ago, there was a speaker at a La Leche League enrichment meeting who was scheduled to talk about "The 7 Myths of Working Mothers." I was looking forward to hearing what she had to say--only to find she blamed feminism for many of society's problems and said that women who chose to work when their children were small were selfish and materialistic.
I'd like to lock both women in a room together and let them argue it out so the rest of us can move on with our lives. (Would that be an unfeminist thing to do?)
But seriously, I want to say to these women: Stop telling me what to do. I don't like prescriptive statements that come from the patriarchy, and I don't like them any more when they come from you.
Stop blaming women for the choices they make. Stop saying that a particular choice is right for all women. Stop trying to claim that one area of women's lives should take precedence over another.
If you honestly want to help women, then work for positive change. Meanwhile, stop telling me what to do.
posted by Tess | 10:55 AM
11 Comments:
Very, very well said Tess!!! I totally agree!!
Ooooooh, that Hirshman woman - I saw her on TV once and wanted to do physical harm.
I'd like to lock both women in a room together and let them argue it out... (Would that be an unfeminist thing to do?) No - that would be worth televising live and charging pay-per-view!
I dislike the notice that women who stay home are not doing so out of active choice. Homemaking continues to be viewed as a patriarchal domination of some form, a forced return to traditional gender roles. My husband - bless him - gets this bewildered look on his face when I start to talk about things I want to do, maybe working again one day, whether or not we should homeschool the girls - not because he is upset I'll go back to work, but because he honestly does not know what to tell me. He has told me, flat out, that he does not know what will make me happy, but that he will support whatever it is that I decide to do. That kind of freedom is dizzying but so valuable.
The media seems interested in promoting only those who have the Rx written out for everyone all in advance. Sigh...
Good post, Tess. Made me smile and got my blood up first thing this morning ;)
Tess,
I'm glad you parse these things for me... once I get wind that a person is saying something that stupid I begin to get angry and then I stop reading or listening or watching. I don't argue because it would make me too angry. So thanks for getting pissed off for me!
I wonder if Hirshman's mother stayed at home to raise her? Does she feel it was a productive way for her mother to have spent her life?
Hh
P.S. If I get to St. Louis in the next few years...wanna have coffee? ;)
Hh
It's nice to hear a chorus of "amens" from the sisterhood!
Hannah, I would love to have coffee with you! Just say the word and I will be there. I was just wondering today if I would ever meet any of my fellow bloggers.
Yet another AMEN here! I read the Newsweek interview last night. As a WOHM and as a feminist, I'm horrified by this woman and her views. I wonder if she realizes that she sounds completely brainwashed by the phallocentric hegemony. She's completely entrenched in the narrow, traditional male-dominated socio-economic value system. So sad. And so counter-productive.
I've been meaning to get back to comment on this one!! You've had me thinking (once again).
My family is a bit of a different situation, where I'm working outside the home and my husband takes care of our son. I met some new friends last weekend and as usual, was met with a shocked response when they learned our situation. I can only wonder what they think (am I too career-hungry to stay at home with my child? what is my husband doing that he can stay home?). For many reasons, this was the choice that made the most sense for our family and it was a joint decision. I admire my husband for the man and father that he is.
The point is, this was the CHOICE, we made for our family and what works best. I support freedom of choice, whether a woman works in or out of the home (and frankly, I think working outside the home is the easier task).
You get a big AMEN from me on this one Tess.
Tracy, I'm glad you posted, because Tom and I were just discussing the pressures on men to conform to certain roles. He thought that men get an equal amount of pressure to be breadwinners, but it's mostly unspoken. I maintain, though, that part of what's upsetting about all the advice for women is that it's contradictory; some people will condemn you for choosing to work, and other will condemn you for choosing to stay home. You just can't win.
And Precie, you know how thrilled I am to get a comment that contains the phrase "phallocentric hegemony."
Sing it sister! I agree 1000% with you!
And I'd be the first in line to buy tickets to see both women duke it out! Let's make it really unfeminist & have them wrestle in baby oil!! LOL!
have them wrestle in baby oil!
My eyes!!
Post a Comment
<< Home